I’m going to the hospital alone tomorrow to see my grandmother for what I presume to be the very last time. My mom has chosen not to go to see her because the pain will be too much for her to see. This I understand, but I also know that for my personal reasoning I want and need to see my Aquilla one last time.
Its strange. Talking to my mom and knowing that she needs more support than what she is currently receiving, in terms of emotional and physical support. She doesn’t lean on my dad in such personal ways as I lean on Chris in this difficult time.
As we were talking about what will happen when the time comes for Grandma to go, we leaned on each other. I asked if I could pray before we got off the phone and she responded with her funny way of saying “sure”. I understand; spirituality and religion and age-frames and lack of praying together has made this special, wholesome “thing” almost taboo. But we prayed.
We prayed for strength and love and caring. We prayed for a quick and painless passing for my grandma Aquilla who is just taking this disease incredibly rough. But who wouldn’t, I suppose.
Life is just rough, but something I think I’ll always remember from that phone conversation I just had with my momma is: “find the chapel.” I told her I was scared to go alone to a city two hours from me because I know I’m going to be incredibly emotional when I see grandma for the last time. I know that this is all going to hit a heavy and never-walked-upon place. Its going to be rough and I think I am going to need the Chapel.